{"product_id":"2940012426789","title":"Notes from the Underground","description":"Underground*\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e     *The author of the diary and the diary itself\u003cbr\u003e     are, of course, imaginary.  Nevertheless it is clear\u003cbr\u003e     that such persons as the writer of these notes\u003cbr\u003e     not only may, but positively must, exist in our\u003cbr\u003e     society, when we consider the circumstances in\u003cbr\u003e     the midst of which our society is formed.  I have\u003cbr\u003e     tried to expose to the view of the public more\u003cbr\u003e     distinctly than is commonly done, one of the\u003cbr\u003e     characters of the recent past.  He is one of the\u003cbr\u003e     representatives of a generation still living.  In this\u003cbr\u003e     fragment, entitled \"Underground,\" this person\u003cbr\u003e     introduces himself and his views, and, as it were,\u003cbr\u003e     tries to explain the causes owing to which he has\u003cbr\u003e     made his appearance and was bound to make his\u003cbr\u003e     appearance in our midst.  In the second fragment\u003cbr\u003e     there are added the actual notes of this person\u003cbr\u003e     concerning certain events in his life.--AUTHOR'S NOTE.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eI\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eI am a sick man....  I am a spiteful man.  I am an unattractive man.  I\u003cbr\u003ebelieve my liver is diseased.  However, I know nothing at all about my\u003cbr\u003edisease, and do not know for certain what ails me.  I don't consult a\u003cbr\u003edoctor for it, and never have, though I have a respect for medicine and\u003cbr\u003edoctors. Besides, I am extremely superstitious, sufficiently so to\u003cbr\u003erespect medicine, anyway (I am well-educated enough not to be\u003cbr\u003esuperstitious, but I am superstitious).  No, I refuse to consult a\u003cbr\u003edoctor from spite.  That you probably will not understand.  Well, I\u003cbr\u003eunderstand it, though.  Of course, I can't explain who it is precisely\u003cbr\u003ethat I am mortifying in this case by my spite: I am perfectly well\u003cbr\u003eaware that I cannot \"pay out\" the doctors by not consulting them; I\u003cbr\u003eknow better than anyone that by all this I am only injuring myself and\u003cbr\u003eno one else.  But still, if I don't consult a doctor it is from spite.\u003cbr\u003eMy liver is bad, well--let it get worse!\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eI have been going on like that for a long time--twenty years.  Now I am\u003cbr\u003eforty.  I used to be in the government service, but am no longer.  I\u003cbr\u003ewas a spiteful official.  I was rude and took pleasure in being so.  I\u003cbr\u003edid not take bribes, you see, so I was bound to find a recompense in\u003cbr\u003ethat, at least.  (A poor jest, but I will not scratch it out.  I wrote\u003cbr\u003eit thinking it would sound very witty; but now that I have seen myself\u003cbr\u003ethat I only wanted to show off in a despicable way, I will not scratch\u003cbr\u003eit out on purpose!)\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eWhen petitioners used to come for information to the table at which I\u003cbr\u003esat, I used to grind my teeth at them, and felt intense enjoyment when\u003cbr\u003eI succeeded in making anybody unhappy.  I almost did succeed.  For the\u003cbr\u003emost part they were all timid people--of course, they were petitioners.\u003cbr\u003eBut of the uppish ones there was one officer in particular I could not\u003cbr\u003eendure.  He simply would not be humble, and clanked his sword in a\u003cbr\u003edisgusting way.  I carried on a feud with him for eighteen months over\u003cbr\u003ethat sword.  At last I got the better of him.  He left off clanking it.\u003cbr\u003eThat happened in my youth, though.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eBut do you know, gentlemen, what was the chief point about my spite?\u003cbr\u003eWhy, the whole point, the real sting of it lay in the fact that\u003cbr\u003econtinually, even in the moment of the acutest spleen, I was inwardly\u003cbr\u003econscious with shame that I was not only not a spiteful but not even an\u003cbr\u003eembittered man, that I was simply scaring sparrows at random and\u003cbr\u003eamusing myself by it.  I might foam at the mouth, but bring me a doll\u003cbr\u003eto play with, give me a cup of tea with sugar in it, and maybe I should\u003cbr\u003ebe appeased.  I might even be genuinely touched, though probably I\u003cbr\u003eshould grind my teeth at myself afterwards and lie awake at night with\u003cbr\u003eshame for months after.  That was my way.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eI was lying when I said just now that I was a spiteful official.  I was\u003cbr\u003elying from spite.  I was simply amusing myself with the petitioners and\u003cbr\u003ewith the officer, and in reality I never could become spiteful.  I was\u003cbr\u003econscious every moment in myself of many, very many elements absolutely\u003cbr\u003eopposite to that.  I felt them positively swarming in me, these\u003cbr\u003eopposite elements. I knew that they had been swarming in me all my life\u003cbr\u003eand craving some outlet from me, but I would not let them, would not\u003cbr\u003elet them, purposely would not let them come out.  They tormented me\u003cbr\u003etill I was ashamed: they drove me to convulsions and--sickened me, at\u003cbr\u003elast, how they sickened me!  Now, are not you fancying, gentlemen, that\u003cbr\u003eI am expressing remorse for something now, that I am asking your\u003cbr\u003eforgiveness for something?  I am sure you are fancying that ...\u003cbr\u003eHowever, I assure you I do not care if you are....","brand":"SAP","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":47078837485808,"sku":"2940012426789","price":0.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0737\/7593\/9824\/files\/2940012426789_p0.jpg?v=1763568854","url":"https:\/\/shop-qa.barnesandnoble.com\/products\/2940012426789","provider":"Barnes \u0026 Noble (DEV)","version":"1.0","type":"link"}