{"product_id":"2940012854209","title":"THE FALSE COUNT, OR, A New Way To play an old GAME","description":"Scanned, proofed and corrected from the original edition for your reading pleasure.  It is also \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003esearchable and contains hyper-links to chapters. \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e***\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eFrom the PROLOGUE - Spoken by Don Carlos\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eKNOW all ye Whigs and Tories of the Pit, \u003cbr\u003e(Ye furious Guelphs and Gibelins of Wit,\u003cbr\u003eWho for the Cause, and Crimes of Forty One \u003cbr\u003eSo furiously maintain the Quarrel on)\u003cbr\u003eOur Author, as you'll find it writ in Story,\u003cbr\u003eHas hitherto been a most wicked Tory ;\u003cbr\u003eBut now, to th' joy o'th' Brethren be it spoken,\u003cbr\u003eOur Sister's vain mistaken Eyes ate open;\u003cbr\u003eAnd wifely valuing her dear Interest now, \u003cbr\u003eAll-powerful Whigs, converted is to you. \u003cbr\u003e'Twas long she did maintain the Royal Cause, \u003cbr\u003eArgu'd, disputed, rail'd with great Applause; \u003cbr\u003eWrit Madrigals and Doggerel on the Times, \u003cbr\u003eAnd charg'd you all with your Fore-fathers Crimes; \u003cbr\u003eNay, confidently swore no plot was true, \u003cbr\u003eBut that so slyly carried on by you: \u003cbr\u003eRais'd horrid Scandals on you, hellish Stories, \u003cbr\u003eIn Conventicles how you eat young Tories; \u003cbr\u003eAs Jew did heretofore eat Christian Suckling; \u003cbr\u003eAnd brought an Odium on your pious Gulling:\u003cbr\u003eWhen this is all Malice it self can say, \u003cbr\u003eYou for the good Old Cause devoutly eat and pray, \u003cbr\u003eTho this one Text were able to convert ye, \u003cbr\u003eYe needy Tribe of Scriblers to the Party; \u003cbr\u003eYet there are more advantages than these, \u003cbr\u003eFor write, invent, and make what Plots you please,\u003cbr\u003eThe wicked Party keep your Witnesses, \u003cbr\u003eLike frugal Cuckold-makers you beget \u003cbr\u003eBrats that secur'd by others fires shall sit. \u003cbr\u003eYour Conventicling Miracles out-do \u003cbr\u003eAll that the Whore of Babylon e'er knew: \u003cbr\u003eBy wondrous art you make Rogues honest Men, \u003cbr\u003eAnd when you please transform 'em Rogues again. \u003cbr\u003eTo day a Saint, is he but hang a Papist, \u003cbr\u003ePeach a true Protestant, your Saint's turn'd Atheist: \u003cbr\u003eAnd dying Sacraments do less prevails \u003cbr\u003eThan living ones, tho took in Lamb's-Wool-Ale. \u003cbr\u003eWho wou'd not then be for a Common-weal, \u003cbr\u003eTo have the Villain cover'd with his Zeal? \u003cbr\u003eA Zeal, who for Convenience can dispense \u003cbr\u003eWith Plays provided there's no Wit nor Sense. \u003cbr\u003eFor Wit's profane, ,and Jesuitical, \u003cbr\u003eAnd Plotting's Popery, and the Devil and all. \u003cbr\u003eWe then have fitted you with one to day, \u003cbr\u003e'Tis writ as 'twere a Recantation Play; \u003cbr\u003eRenouncing all that has pretence to witty, \u003cbr\u003eT' oblige the Reverend Brumigham's o' th' City:\u003cbr\u003eNo smutty Scenes, no Jests to move your Laughter, \u003cbr\u003eNor Love that so debauches all your Daughters. \u003cbr\u003eBut shou'd the Torys now, who will desert me, \u003cbr\u003eBecause they find no dry bobs on your Party, \u003cbr\u003eResolve to hiss, as late did Popish Crew, \u003cbr\u003eBy Yea and Nay, she'll throw her self on you, \u003cbr\u003eThe grand Inquest of Whigs, to whom she's true.\u003cbr\u003eThen let 'em rail and hiss, and damn their fill,\u003cbr\u003eYour Verdict will be Ignoramus still.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e***\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eAn excerpt from the beginning of:\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eACT I. - SCENE I. \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eThe Street.\u003cbr\u003eEnter Carlos, Antonio, and Guzman.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eCar. \u003cbr\u003eBy all that's good, I'm mad; stark raving mad, to have a Woman young, rich, beautyfull, \u003cbr\u003eJust on the point of yeilding to my Love, \u003cbr\u003eSnatcht from my Armes by such a Beast as this; \u003cbr\u003eAn Old ridiculous Buffoon, past Pleasure, \u003cbr\u003ePast Love, or any thing that tends that way; \u003cbr\u003eIll-favour'd, Ill-bread, and Ill-qualify'd, \u003cbr\u003eWith more Diseases than a Horse past Service; \u003cbr\u003eAnd onely blest with Fortune and my Julia: \u003cbr\u003eFor him, I say, this Miser, to obtain her, \u003cbr\u003eAfter my tedious nights and dayes of Love, \u003cbr\u003eMy midnight Watchings, Quarells, Wounds and Dangers; \u003cbr\u003e—My Person not unhansom too, \u003cbr\u003eBy Heav'n, 'twas Wonderous strange \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eAnto. \u003cbr\u003eAnd old Francisco, without the expence of an hours Courtship, a Billet Doux, or scarce a Sight of her, could gain her in a day; and yet 'tis wonder, your Fortune and your Quality, should be refus'd by Don Baltazer, her Father.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eCar. \u003cbr\u003eA Pox upon't, I went the wrong way to work, and courted the Daughter, but indeed my Father, the late Governor of Cadez, whose Estate and Honour I now enjoy, was then living; and, fearing he would not consent to my Passion, I endeavor'd to keep it secret, though sacred Vows had past between us two.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eAnto. \u003cbr\u003eDid she not tell you of this Marriage with old Francisco?\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eCar. \u003cbr\u003eThe night before, she did; but onely by a Letter from her window dropt; which when by the help of a dark Lantern, I had read, I was struck dead with Grief.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e                                        [gives him the letter. \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eAnto. reads.] \u003cbr\u003eExpect to morrow night to hear I'm dead, since the next Sun will guide me to a fatall Marriage with old Francisco. Your Julia.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eCar. \u003cbr\u003eJudge, dear Antonio, my Surprise and Grief; \u003cbr\u003eA while I stood unmov'd, thoughtless, and silent,...","brand":"Leila's Books","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":47181596950768,"sku":"2940012854209","price":1.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0737\/7593\/9824\/files\/2940012854209_p0.jpg?v=1763573590","url":"https:\/\/shop-qa.barnesandnoble.com\/products\/2940012854209","provider":"Barnes \u0026 Noble (DEV)","version":"1.0","type":"link"}