{"product_id":"2940045164191","title":"A Door I'll Never Enter","description":"\u003cp\u003eTHESE ENTITIES:\u003cbr\u003e•A man whose smile can stop the sun.\u003cbr\u003e•A woman who is Mother To All.\u003cbr\u003e•A guide sent to bring them together.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eARE ALSO:\u003cbr\u003e•A man created to destroy Earth.\u003cbr\u003e•A woman hired to bear his assassin.\u003cbr\u003e•An automaton sent to ensure their success.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eBUT APPEAR TO BE:\u003cbr\u003e•A man who never returns shopping carts.\u003cbr\u003e•A woman with a bad job on a worse vacation.\u003cbr\u003e•One of the Little People.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eCOMING TOGETHER, THEY TRAVEL TO:\u003cbr\u003e•A farm where interstellar comets are grown.\u003cbr\u003e•A sunken ship being raised to the surface of time.\u003cbr\u003e•The core of Hell, where the torture is tickling.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eTHEIR GOAL IS TO:\u003cbr\u003e•Write a shopping list that makes sense.\u003cbr\u003e•Fix her broken fingernail.\u003cbr\u003e•Find a hidden pot of watermelons.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eTHEIR ACHIEVEMENTS ARE:\u003cbr\u003e•Giving a face to ultimate doom.\u003cbr\u003e•Finally getting a call through to Luna.\u003cbr\u003e•Bonding with fruit.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eA cross-genre literary novel of contemporary fantasy, magic realism, and jaw-dropping hilarity, A DOOR I’LL NEVER ENTER follows the adventures of Bill, Jane, Dan, and their interstellar comet (disguised as a watermelon) as they travel from kitchen sink to cannibal canoe in search of a Leprechaun’s pot of FAIL. Finding friendship on the way, they learn that failure might be best when the goal is ultimate destruction.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"H. C. Turk","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":47108182540528,"sku":"2940045164191","price":4.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0737\/7593\/9824\/files\/2940045164191_p0.jpg?v=1763683289","url":"https:\/\/shop-qa.barnesandnoble.com\/products\/2940045164191","provider":"Barnes \u0026 Noble (DEV)","version":"1.0","type":"link"}