{"product_id":"2940045353083","title":"Internal Desires","description":"\u003cp\u003eOne warm Thursday in July a few years ago I helped my mom and dad pack their new pick-up truck at six o'clock in the morning, with suitcases they'd bought for their twenty-fifth anniversary cruise, a silver and white gift-wrapped box that held a crystal bowl, and the blue and white insulted cooler my mom had always used for family road trips.\u003cbr\u003eThen I kissed them goodbye, watched them climb into the cab, and stood in the driveway next to the back door in my bare feet. I'd just crawled out of bed and I was only wearing dark blue basketball shorts that went below my knees. My short dark hair was sticking up and my eyes still hadn't fully adjusted to the bright Montana sunshine. As I watched them pull out of the driveway and disappear down the long gravel road that would lead them to the main road, I waved until I couldn't see the taillights anymore.\u003cbr\u003eI went back into the house and up to my bedroom. I fell into bed face down and went back to sleep. My folks were going to a wedding in South Dakota for a second cousin I'd only met twice in my lifetime…once at my grandfather's funeral and another time at a family reunion in West Yellowstone. They'd wanted me to come along with them to the wedding but I'd backed out with what I thought were two excellent excuses: I had to be home for the last baseball game in a league I'd been part of since high school, and I had to help break in a new horse at the dude ranch where I worked part time.\u003cbr\u003eBoth excuses, however, could have been avoided and I could have gone to the wedding with them if I'd really wanted to go. The baseball league I'd been playing with since high school had lost every single game that season and the final game on that second Saturday in July didn't even matter. We were only going through the motions by then and I didn't need to be there. But more than that, I'd already decided I would not go back and play with them after this season ended.\u003cbr\u003eThat same summer I'd graduated from community college and I was planning to attend a four year college in the fall. And the excuse about breaking in the horse was almost as lame as the baseball excuse. I'd been working part time as a cowboy at a dude ranch since I'd graduated from high school and the horses weren't exactly bucking bronco rodeo material, if you catch my drift. They were old and tired, weak and friendly. They were bought and maintained to entertain overweight tourists from all over the country who wanted to experience the Wild West in Montana in a gentle, inauthentic way. The horse I told my mom and dad I had to help break in was so mild and so even-tempered he ate right out of my hand. We often referred to him as “Good ole Maybell.”\u003cbr\u003eThe truth is I didn't want to go to the wedding. My mom and dad rarely travel. They never even leave the property. They had me later in life and they're both retired now. So I'd never actually been all alone in the house. I'd been too young to leave alone when they'd gone on the twenty-fifth anniversary cruise and I'd gone to stay with my grandmother. I knew it would take them two days to get to their wedding destination, they would be there for two days, and then it would take two more days for them to return. I wanted to take advantage of being home all alone for almost a week. And even though I gave them lame excuses, I thought staying home alone was an excellent unspoken reason for not wanting to go with them.\u003cbr\u003eWhen I finally did climb out of bed that Thursday I checked my phone to see if my mom and dad had left any text messages. We'd already agreed that texting would be the best way to communicate while they were gone. They knew I couldn't talk long if I was working at the dude ranch, and I had a bad reputation when it came to answering the phone. But I never missed a text and they knew it. If it hadn't been for me I don't think they ever would have bothered to learn how to text message anyone. They were in their early sixties and none of their friends texted.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Ryan Field","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":47067417772272,"sku":"2940045353083","price":4.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0737\/7593\/9824\/files\/2940045353083_p0.jpg?v=1763974285","url":"https:\/\/shop-qa.barnesandnoble.com\/products\/2940045353083","provider":"Barnes \u0026 Noble (DEV)","version":"1.0","type":"link"}