{"product_id":"2940148999447","title":"The Chapped-Ass Critic","description":"Zack Pimpton's ass never felt worse, and it doesn't help that his doctor is a part time comedian. Unfortunately, Zack is quite the bastard himself and accidentally says the wrong thing that causes the good, old doctor to snap.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eApproximately 2,300 words.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eEXCERPT FROM THE CHAPPED-ASS CRITIC\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\"Doc, you've got to help me,\" a thin, wiry man named Zack Pimpton bent over the padded table and rubbed his behind. \"My ass hurts really, really bad. I think I might have broken it.\" A bead of sweat trickled down his forehead.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\"How did this happen?\" Dr. Marsh asked.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\"I don't know. I was typing up a review when suddenly my butt began to hurt. At first it was just a little. I tried to ignore it, but it got worse until I eventually found myself here. It's terrible. I can't believe I was able to drive over here.\" He tried sitting and recoiled immediately.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\"Well, you're in luck! It's nothing life-threatening, that's for sure, but I'm afraid you won't have use of your buttocks again,\" the portly doctor cracked a smile.","brand":"Donald Rump","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":47084466897136,"sku":"2940148999447","price":0.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0737\/7593\/9824\/files\/2940148999447_p0.jpg?v=1763710687","url":"https:\/\/shop-qa.barnesandnoble.com\/products\/2940148999447","provider":"Barnes \u0026 Noble (DEV)","version":"1.0","type":"link"}