{"product_id":"2940152967456","title":"Agony Grant","description":"\u003cp\u003eMy mates swore, some worse than others. There was one I knew who swore every other word. As I grew older, say sixteen or seventeen and the getting into the pub began, I enjoyed a drink, but I didn’t enjoy it when certain of my mates swore and used sexual expressions in front of women. I wasn’t religious and aren’t now, but I somehow felt like saying Hail Mary’s for them.\u003cbr\u003eAt home, I was Timothy Lumsden. Timothy, played by the late great Ronnie Corbett was a totally mother dictated man, still living at home at forty or fifty. That’s what they called me at work, Timothy.\u003cbr\u003eI had a dirty magazine once and my mother found it. She wasn’t happy and threatened me with death by a thousand cuts and my father’s wrath as I died; he would beat my twitching body with a twin tub washer paddle he had made from a thick branch from a local hanging tree. I thought DBATC was a far worse thing than a sexy magazine, but small town Catholicism has a strong grip on some minds.\u003cbr\u003eBut, my cleanliness of life was making me miserable.\u003cbr\u003eI, at one point in the fiasco became a bus driver and then I heard women swearing. Not the passengers, the drivers; I was gob smacked! Women swearing?!\u003cbr\u003eIt took me a wee while but one day I managed to swear in front of a woman driver ... she didn’t blink. I was kinda shocked. Eventually after some practice in the canteen, I found that I couldn’t stop, swearing became normal; I felt programmed.\u003cbr\u003eBut, sexual talk with women there? No thanks. My most unfavourite word in the whole world is ‘sorry about this’, but shagging. It is ugh horrible and can even remove the love element from two dogs when they do it.\u003cbr\u003eThen, I got into stand up comedy and the good Lord saw fit to expose me to the comedian’s in-joke, the Aristocrats. It made me howl; you can get it on You Tube and it is now a DVD. That’s basically how the runway was built to land the story plane containing Agony Grant ... I HAD to write it. God it was fun.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Frankie Lassut","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":47110843498736,"sku":"2940152967456","price":3.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0737\/7593\/9824\/files\/2940152967456_p0.jpg?v=1764027155","url":"https:\/\/shop-qa.barnesandnoble.com\/products\/2940152967456","provider":"Barnes \u0026 Noble (DEV)","version":"1.0","type":"link"}