{"product_id":"2940158735356","title":"Have A Dark Day: a Dear Cthulhu collection","description":"It's the Advice Column to end all Advice Columns! Move over Dear Abby and Ann Landers.  Dear Cthulhu is here to answer humankind's greatest questions – when is the right time to lose one's virginity, how to get along with neighbors, to the proper way to preserve a corpse so one can continue to collect on their government payouts.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eWith Dear Cthulhu's help and his collected advice columns, you can ensure that you always have A Dark Day!\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eHere' a sample of Dear Cthulhu's wisdom-\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eDear Cthulhu,\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e     My boyfriend \"Jim\" and I have been seeing each other for 4 months. Things have been going great. Jim tells me he loves me and I know I care for him a lot. Our making out has always been hot and heavy. Jim's a great kisser, but lately, Jim's been wanting to go beyond necking and petting. I'm just not sure I'm ready to give him my virginity. Jim says if I really love him I'll make love to him. My mother always told me if a guy truly loved me, he'll wait until I'm ready and not pressure me.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e     My friends all think he's really hot and I should do him. I'm the only one of my girlfriends still a virgin, although I have one gay guy friend who still is.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e     What should I do?\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e     -Confused Virgin in Vermont\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eDear Confused,\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e     Virginity is a sacred, beautiful thing and any man who would pressure you to destroy such a rare treasure is a cad you would be better off without. As for your so-called girlfriends, they sound like a bunch of twits.\u003cbr\u003eRemember, it is better to be a leader of men than a follower. The only one you should ever follow is of course Great Cthulhu. Speaking of which some followers... rather friends of mine are throwing a ritual sacrifice... um, I mean party shortly when the heavens align. How would you like to be the guest of honor? We would love to have you. E-mail me at . And bring a dish to pass.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eDear Cthulhu,\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e     I've slept with my Teddy every night since I was a little boy, even though my parents say I'm too old. I'm in kindergarten now. The other morning when I woke up, Teddy was gone. I looked everywhere but he disappeared. I think the monster in my closet ate Teddy, but Daddy says I'm wrong. Can you help me?\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e     --Five in Freeport\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eDear Five,\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e     Yes, Cthulhu can help you. Your father is correct. The monster in your closet did not eat Teddy. It was the creature under your bed. And he is hungry again.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e     Have A Dark Day.","brand":"Padwolf Publishing Inc.","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":47075627139312,"sku":"2940158735356","price":2.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0737\/7593\/9824\/files\/2940158735356_p0.jpg?v=1764118954","url":"https:\/\/shop-qa.barnesandnoble.com\/products\/2940158735356","provider":"Barnes \u0026 Noble (DEV)","version":"1.0","type":"link"}