{"product_id":"9781468566420","title":"So Pretty.... So Many Tears","description":"\u003cp\u003eThis book was written out of the feelings and some of the most\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003esadness out of the depths of my heart and soul. It contains feelings\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003efrom different times and many events of my life. So Pretty, So\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eMany Tears has poems from many different emotions I have felt\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003ethroughout my life. Some of the poems that are written in this book\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003ewere written when I was 16 years old, although I have been writing\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003esince I was much younger, when I had already been physically and\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eemotionally abused! Then I lost \"The Love Of My Life.\" I fell in\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003elove with Tony when I was 12 years old. We got together when I\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003ewas 16 and then we separated for a few years because of my family.\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eWe got back together when I turned 24 and he was 25 years old. A\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003ecouple of days before he turned 27 years old, he passed away; yes,\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eI lost my love, I lost my life, hence I lost my mind. When I finally\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003egave my whole self to him and finally stopped worrying about what\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003emy family felt about him. Ever since then I have been truly going through years of so much denial of\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003ehis death, self conviction and guilt over what happened and how it happened. I sank into the \"Abyss\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eof my empty soul,\" and I didn't want to be found because I knew deep inside if I found myself deep\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003ewithin my secretly wounded heart, I would realize and find out that I lost the only love I had ever had.\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eHe was my only friend and I knew that I would lose my mind if I ever lost him. There was no way\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003ethat I wanted to live in this ugly world without him by my side, and I had told him that I would never\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003ebe afraid of anything not even the end of the world, so long as he was there by my side even when\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003ethe end of the world was occurring. I have been abused most of my life, first by my mother, then by\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003emy older brother, then later on when I got married to someone else other than my true love; I went\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003ethrough some inner hell tortures as well as physical tortures, with my husband always on drugs, such\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eas heroine, crystal meth, and crack cocaine; when I didn't even know what all that stuff was or what\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eit did to someone. Anyhow, the book contains all of my dreadful, melancholic, horrific details of just\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003ehow much I had lost my mind. For I truly did lose my mind when Tony left my world. The only thing\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eI had to stay alive for was my children that I already had and when \"The One I Loved\" left my world,\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eI went insane but I didn't even know it, and neither did anyone else for that matter. I really didn't\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eknow how to handle living life without Tony. I needed to learn how to live again not only for myself\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003ebut for my children, and the book does indeed hold the deepest fears, tears, and loves in my life. The\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003ebook contains so many feelings tears and love and as one person put it, \"So Pretty So Many Tears\"\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003ewhen the tears wouldn't stop and how I couldn't stop thinking of and wanting to die! Like I said, I\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eactually really lost my mind. There are many different poems in this book; some are regarding abuse,\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003edeath, love, reincarnation and even living with physical pain as I do now and have been ever since the\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eyear of 2001; it seems as if once the denial stopped and the admission of Tony being dead occurred,\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003ethe pain and suffering I had secretly been feeling in my heart and my soul, suddenly spurted out of\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eme and showed and was now felt physically. For the secret I was holding within me was the secret\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eI withheld even from my own self and that was that Tony was dead. I was full of secrets all of my\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003elife, first I held the secret from my family the love I had for Tony; he was my secret love. Then, I\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eheld the biggest secret from myself; the death of Tony's body but not the death of my love for him.\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eThere are also some poems from my granddaughter Vanessa Espitia and from two of my daughters,\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eDesiree Grace and Princess Anna, both of whom I encourage to write all their thoughts and feelings\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003efrom their heart, if that is what they want to do. Most of my 12 children are blessed with the talents\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eof writing and art; along with some of my grandchildren.\u003c\/p\u003e \u003cp\u003eSo Pretty\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"AuthorHouse","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":47135823724784,"sku":"9781468566420","price":3.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0737\/7593\/9824\/files\/9781468566420_p0.jpg?v=1763696144","url":"https:\/\/shop-qa.barnesandnoble.com\/products\/9781468566420","provider":"Barnes \u0026 Noble (DEV)","version":"1.0","type":"link"}