Dub Refuge

I've had a rough life, and unless it was so, I would not have even considered sharing my story since while writing I have found it hard to believe that I was so lost, so dark, so empty and as co-dependent as any other person in any other abusive relationship I have ever met; something I've never acknowledged before now.
Don't worry though, I won't bore you with another sad story of childhood abuse and neglect, even though I was an unloved, emotionally and psychologically abused slave-child, which was pretty awful in my opinion if only because of being the one who had to live it; however, I do want to touch on those parts that I believe had the biggest impact on the forming of my mind. Those parts that include the fear, favoritism, criticism, traumatic experiences and inner anger I grew up with, which led to the outward anger, hostility, anxiety, lack of self-esteem, neediness, co-dependency and depression I experienced for my entire adult life up until this point.
My upbringing doomed me to seek love wherever I believed I could find it, starting-out by marrying the first man I ever dated in order to escape my abusive childhood home. My husband and I divorce four years later and in doing so, I abandon my first two children which leads to subjecting myself to drunkenness and sexual promiscuity, followed by seven years of torment from a violently abusive, lying, child-molesting, drug-addicted, alcoholic boyfriend whom I end-up marrying. After multiple abortions I am blessed with a daughter, face down a demon, divorce for the second time, find the love of my life, give birth to another son and then the battle against my life-threatening depression begins while maintaining a façade of normalcy.
Throughout my life I find God, then lose Him, then find Him once more, with my relationship with the Lord being based entirely on what was happening in my tumultuous life at any-given moment, although it is this relationship that saves me during my darkest moments whether I knew it or not.

Anatomy of a Life is a haunting and heart-rending memoir which starts as a child's normal life, but eventually turns into one of tragedy once one abuser after another places their eternal prints on a young girl's psyche. Forty-five years later, through the love of her husband and children, as well as her faith in God's promises, Penelope has survived, and though still a battle at times, is thriving. Hopefully, this story will strike a chord with those who have lived through similar circumstances, eventually seeing that there is a light at the end of whatever dark tunnel you may be traveling.