So You're 50: The Age Your Never Thought You'd Reach

Others will now perceive you as a reactionary old git, unemployable and a health insurance risk. Your opinion is not even sought by high street canvassers, and patronising sales assistants in clothes shops will be your natural enemies. Your idea of a dirty weekend is cleaning out the garden shed.

On the bright side, you can feel smug that you have better grammar than a university student and have outlived John Lennon by ten years.