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Gerald Byrne
The Churlish Ribbon I
The Churlish Ribbon I
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A Self-Serving Rationalization For Warping The Original Intent Of The Noble Magnetic Ribbon
"Find A Lost Art"
“Honk If You’re An Anti-Social Psychopath”
“Support The Public Humiliation Of Cretins”
“Marley Deserves A Second Chance Too”
“Illinois – A Vegetative State”
“Caution: Driver Is In A Drug Induced State Of Serenity”
“Lie To A Pollster”
“Expect The Worst And Bet Accordingly”
“Form A Committee And Prolong A Problem”
“Have A Donut. You’ll Still Outlive The Diet Gurus”
“Better A Has Been Than A Never Was”
“Just Covering A Rust Spot”
“Hang On To Your Delusions Of Adequacy”
“Attention Overachievers: It’s Impossible To Win Two Darwin Awards”
“Paul And Ringo Remain Opposed To A Beatles Reunion”
There’s always someone like me who ruins it for the rest of you. Someone who takes the high-minded support of a worthy cause or the opposition to a deadly disease and imposes their own less than universally uplifting message on the medium, someone who takes an iconic symbol of righteousness and treats it as if it were just a magnetic bumper sticker, in short, someone who profanes everything for which the memory of Tony Orlando and Dawn stand.
But it was only a matter of time until someone brought the magnetic ribbon down from the mountain, thereby lowering the tone of the message while at the same time raising the noise level.
Consider the evolution of the Model T of Automotive Messaging Systems, the lowly bumper sticker.
From the beginning, the bumper sticker was an advertising medium turning the car into a mobile commercial billboard whose message and the gooey residue thereof was virtually impossible to remove, short of bumper replacement surgery. Indeed, many a rusted out hulk of a Midwestern bumper once seemed to be held together by nothing but “Tommy Bartlett Water Show” bumper stickers.
Like crazed advertisers with a new toy, the public turned the bumper sticker into a Personal Automotive Messaging System for the public display, and by inference the public imposition, of its thoughts, opinions and emotions. Public display invites public scrutiny and the message provides a shorthand summary of the personality and lifestyle of the driver. “This Car Protected By Smith & Wesson” tells us more about the lunatic in the vehicle ahead of us than we feel secure knowing.
At one extreme there was the noble, well intended, high minded message. Maybe a bit boring, but its heart was in the right place - “Proud Parent of a Lincoln School Honor Student”. The other extreme remains the province of the sub-specie “boobus americanus” and the lunatic fringe, busily breeding its way into the mainstream. “My Dog Is Smarter Than Your Honor Student” came the reply from the boobs. Then the response further devolved into the aggressively-ignorant-and-proud-of-it “My Kid Can Beat Up Your Honor Student”, usually found adorning the dented rear end of a modern-day Joad family car as it makes its daily pilgrimage from the trailer park to Wal-Mart.
In the middle ground are the satirical, the ironic and those that just want to have a little fun at the expense of somebody else’s sacred cows. “Jesus Is Coming” quickly morphed into “Jesus Is Coming – Look Busy” or “Jesus Saves” was expanded to “Jesus Saves Moses Invests”.
And the noble magnetic ribbon and its soon-to-be variants are too versatile to remain the sole property of their current high-end users and their high-minded causes. Virtually the entire car is transformed into a tabula rasa. Gone are the glue and its permanence. Evolution of thought and opinion, trendiness, boredom or simple indecision can be accommodated – and all without lowering trade-in value. The bumper sticker is part of your car’s PERMANENT RECORD, whereas a ribbon is as permanent as an Etch A Sketch Mona Lisa.
As with bumper stickers, the high ground won’t hold. But before “boobus americanus” completely overruns the ground like a plague of tape worm infected sheep grazing the green pastures into an intellectual desert, let’s occupy the middle ground between nobility and the beating of honor students and use our mobile billboards and have a little clean fun – at our own expense and a little more mean fun at the expense of others, their sacred cows, their annoying ways, ignorant behavior and their grating personalities.
"Give Debit Where Debit Is Due"
"Support Amateur Theatrics - Watch C-Span"
"Find A Lost Art"
“Honk If You’re An Anti-Social Psychopath”
“Support The Public Humiliation Of Cretins”
“Marley Deserves A Second Chance Too”
“Illinois – A Vegetative State”
“Caution: Driver Is In A Drug Induced State Of Serenity”
“Lie To A Pollster”
“Expect The Worst And Bet Accordingly”
“Form A Committee And Prolong A Problem”
“Have A Donut. You’ll Still Outlive The Diet Gurus”
“Better A Has Been Than A Never Was”
“Just Covering A Rust Spot”
“Hang On To Your Delusions Of Adequacy”
“Attention Overachievers: It’s Impossible To Win Two Darwin Awards”
“Paul And Ringo Remain Opposed To A Beatles Reunion”
There’s always someone like me who ruins it for the rest of you. Someone who takes the high-minded support of a worthy cause or the opposition to a deadly disease and imposes their own less than universally uplifting message on the medium, someone who takes an iconic symbol of righteousness and treats it as if it were just a magnetic bumper sticker, in short, someone who profanes everything for which the memory of Tony Orlando and Dawn stand.
But it was only a matter of time until someone brought the magnetic ribbon down from the mountain, thereby lowering the tone of the message while at the same time raising the noise level.
Consider the evolution of the Model T of Automotive Messaging Systems, the lowly bumper sticker.
From the beginning, the bumper sticker was an advertising medium turning the car into a mobile commercial billboard whose message and the gooey residue thereof was virtually impossible to remove, short of bumper replacement surgery. Indeed, many a rusted out hulk of a Midwestern bumper once seemed to be held together by nothing but “Tommy Bartlett Water Show” bumper stickers.
Like crazed advertisers with a new toy, the public turned the bumper sticker into a Personal Automotive Messaging System for the public display, and by inference the public imposition, of its thoughts, opinions and emotions. Public display invites public scrutiny and the message provides a shorthand summary of the personality and lifestyle of the driver. “This Car Protected By Smith & Wesson” tells us more about the lunatic in the vehicle ahead of us than we feel secure knowing.
At one extreme there was the noble, well intended, high minded message. Maybe a bit boring, but its heart was in the right place - “Proud Parent of a Lincoln School Honor Student”. The other extreme remains the province of the sub-specie “boobus americanus” and the lunatic fringe, busily breeding its way into the mainstream. “My Dog Is Smarter Than Your Honor Student” came the reply from the boobs. Then the response further devolved into the aggressively-ignorant-and-proud-of-it “My Kid Can Beat Up Your Honor Student”, usually found adorning the dented rear end of a modern-day Joad family car as it makes its daily pilgrimage from the trailer park to Wal-Mart.
In the middle ground are the satirical, the ironic and those that just want to have a little fun at the expense of somebody else’s sacred cows. “Jesus Is Coming” quickly morphed into “Jesus Is Coming – Look Busy” or “Jesus Saves” was expanded to “Jesus Saves Moses Invests”.
And the noble magnetic ribbon and its soon-to-be variants are too versatile to remain the sole property of their current high-end users and their high-minded causes. Virtually the entire car is transformed into a tabula rasa. Gone are the glue and its permanence. Evolution of thought and opinion, trendiness, boredom or simple indecision can be accommodated – and all without lowering trade-in value. The bumper sticker is part of your car’s PERMANENT RECORD, whereas a ribbon is as permanent as an Etch A Sketch Mona Lisa.
As with bumper stickers, the high ground won’t hold. But before “boobus americanus” completely overruns the ground like a plague of tape worm infected sheep grazing the green pastures into an intellectual desert, let’s occupy the middle ground between nobility and the beating of honor students and use our mobile billboards and have a little clean fun – at our own expense and a little more mean fun at the expense of others, their sacred cows, their annoying ways, ignorant behavior and their grating personalities.
"Give Debit Where Debit Is Due"
"Support Amateur Theatrics - Watch C-Span"
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