Why I hate Faulkner

Don't buy this book.*

Seriously, whatever you do, do not buy Why I Hate Faulkner: An Essay with Practical Examples (a Novel) by Denton Thomas.*

Under no circumstances should you try to find out what this football player has against the works of William Faulkner.*

Don't even think about laughing at his obnoxious relatives.*

Skip reading about his failed romances.*

Don't bother seeing his fall from stud to outcast at the hands of an evil cheerleader.*

Forget about solving the mystery of what happened to the Outlaw Calico Hoss.*

Don't watch him try to connect all of these things together while listening in on a Sex Ed class.*

*We're sincerely hoping that reverse psychology works. Should it fail what we really mean to say is: Please, please, please read this book.