A Christmas Story

PART I.

_A WOMAN'S PLAN._


'My dear Mary,' said I, one morning, to my widowed sister, as she sank
into an arm chair in front of my library fire, and heaved a sigh replete
with exhaustion and sadness:

'What is the matter?'

'Enough for a woman, William, but of course, nothing for an old bachelor
like you, who have only to pay your own bills, eat your meals without
the trouble of ordering them; lounge through a clean house with no
chasing after servants to sweep and wash and dust; sit in your study,
heaping log after log on your devoted andirons, and always meeting me
with such a provoking cheerfulness, while I have not a moment to myself;
am all the time running to give out stores to one girl; soap and starch
to another; candles and linen to the chambermaid, and orders to the
coachman; and, even then, I have no peace; for, no sooner do I sit in
the nursery, hoping to derive a few minutes comfort from a quiet sew,
than my ears are filled with the dissatisfaction of one girl; the
complaints of another; the threatenings to leave of another, and the
quarrels of all. I declare, William, I think it was too bad in you to
insist on our leaving that comfortable boarding house, where we lived so
much cheaper, and had no trouble. It was there, with my small family,
that I appreciated the freedom from care that you old selfish,
unsympathizing bachelors enjoy; and no wonder you laugh at us. The fact
is, you don't know anything about it; you ----'

'My dear Mary,' I repeated, 'you have said enough--I only ask for a few
minutes to put this matter in a new light, and, in time, you yourself
will be convinced.'

'That's all very well, William, but what's the use of talking to you
men. I never convinced one in my life. No sir! man is an animal that
never acknowledges either that he is wrong, or that a woman is right. I
tell you, servants are the bane of my existence. You cannot make them
happy, do what you may. Why, only the other day I gave Jane a nice pair
of gaiters that I had but partially worn out. She thanked me, and I felt
pleased that I had done one kind action, though it was a self-denial.
The very next morning, in coming out of the kitchen, I passed the ash
barrel, and looked in it to see if the cinders would ever be sifted.
What do you suppose I saw there, mixed up with lemon peel, tea leaves
and ashes? My boots, William--the very pair I had given Jane the day
before.'

'Well what did you do?'

'Do? Why as soon as I could recover I called her to me, and asked why
she had thrown them there.' She said without any excitement, that was
the worst of it, 'I couldn't wear them Madam.'

'Why not?' I said.

'They were too large for me.'

'Too large for her, the jade--think of that'--

'Don't say any more, Mary, I understand the case perfectly--and since we
cannot argue upon the matter just listen to my views (without any
interruption), in the form of a philosophical lecture. It will be very
brief but to the point.

'Though I have never kept house, as I am an old man I must have lived
somewhere all my life. Being possessed of a healthy and observing
intellect--I have seen and digested much; and it is all easy to my mind.
I have heard you through as I have heard others through; I have seen
your sufferings and your trials, as I have seen many, very many suffer
and endure trials, and I have solved the problem and told it all to my
segar!'

'Well now that is selfish, William!'

'Not at all my dear sister, what lady would tolerate the slightest
interference with her housekeeping? How long would you permit me to stay
here, in financial partnership, if I even offered one word of advice.'

'Oh, how unjust, speak out now and let me hear what you have confided to
your segar.'

'Well, in the first place, there are two kinds of ways to keep house.
No. one is to keep your servants; No. two is to be kept by them. Herein
is the key note of much trouble. Another difficulty is fear. I have been
perfectly amazed to listen to ladies when asking a waiter to do
something for them. Just think of it. I heard Mrs. ----, at table the
other day, turn round and look towards a red headed, uplifted girl, with
a conciliatory smile and say, 'Betty, would you mind giving me a glass
of water?'