The Feud Buster

These here derned lies which is being circulated around is making
me sick and tired. If this slander don't stop I'm liable to lose my
temper, and anybody in the Humbolts can tell you when I loses my
temper the effect on the population is wuss'n fire, earthquake, and
cyclone.

First-off, it's a lie that I rode a hundred miles to mix into a
feud which wasn't none of my business. I never heard of the Hopkins-
Barlow war before I come in the Mezquital country. I hear tell the
Barlows is talking about suing me for destroying their property. Well,
they ought to build their cabins solider if they don't want 'em tore
down. And they're all liars when they says the Hopkinses hired me to
exterminate 'em at five dollars a sculp. I don't believe even a
Hopkins would pay five dollars for one of their mangy sculps. Anyway,
I don't fight for hire for nobody. And the Hopkinses needn't bellyache
about me turning on 'em and trying to massacre the entire clan. All I
wanted to do was kind of disable 'em so they couldn't interfere with
my business. And my business, from first to last, was defending the
family honor. If I had to wipe up the earth with a couple of feuding
clans whilst so doing, I can't help it. Folks which is particular of
their hides ought to stay out of the way of tornadoes, wild bulls,
devastating torrents, and a insulted Elkins.

But it was Uncle Jeppard Grimes' fault to begin with, like it
generally is. Dern near all the calamities which takes places in
southern Nevada can be traced back to that old lobo. He's got a
ingrown disposition and a natural talent for pestering his feller man.
Specially his relatives.