Vampires of Evergreen

“Darlene awoke to the sight of Derrick coming from the bathroom. She had not heard the shower. But his body seemed to be glistening from something. His face, his neck, his hands appeared darker than the rest of him. His pale skin was as ashen as an Aspen. Oh, come on now, thought Darlene, don’t tell me that vampires tan like farmers.
The faint hint of morning peeked under the bedroom curtains. It was time for Derrick to go. She imagined she would need to pay attention to such things as dawn and daylight herself now.
Darlene propped herself up on one elbow and asked, “What if you stay? What if I open the curtains? What will happen?”
“You will be even more beautiful in the light,” Derrick said”.

Can’t a girl become a vampire if she wants to without upsetting the whole neighborhood? Is it too much to ask for a vampire to occasionally use a napkin? How many witches does it take to screw up a coven? Why is one funky little mountain town not big enough for both witches and vampires? How much mischief can be caused by a boy wizard who won’t stop playing with his wand? What is the “Tombstone Solution?” Are there three more dangerous words than, “I knew it.”? Bite your tongue. Or she will.