How to Save Your Relationship

Even the happiest relationships go through troubled periods. Life is so full of change and uncertainties and these can certainly put relationships to the test.

This guide aims to help people who are facing difficulties within their relationship and need help with how to get things back on track.

You may be considering if you even want to stay in the relationship at all. This booklet will help you consider your options and think everything through before walking away.

Some of the ideas and techniques may even help you with other relationships in your life that you may have difficulties with – perhaps with a friend, parent, sibling or other relative.

Do you both want to save it?
The fact that you are reading this booklet means that you care enough to get help with
your relationship problems. However, a relationship takes more than one person to
make it work. Both parties need to take responsibility for the relationship and both
need to also want to rebuild and save it.
What’s your problem?
There are a million and one reasons why relationships go through difficulties. There
may be external factors that have put pressures and stresses on your relationship –
such as problems at work, a new baby, money, difficulties with other family members,
etc. Infidelity could be another reason. There may not have been one incident in
itself, but a gradual build up of resentment and bitterness over the years caused by
smaller disagreements that have taken their toll on the relationship. The little things
that you always saw as ‘cute’ and ‘adorable’ when you first got together now might
grate on you intensely.
It is interesting to note that traditionally infidelity has been the number one reason
cited in divorce cases. However according to a 2011 study by accountancy firm Grant
Thornton in the UK, ‘growing apart’ and ‘falling out of love’ are now the most
common reasons cited for divorce.
It is important to take some time to really identify what the issues or problems are in
your relationship. It is not a blame game, it is about being totally honest and both
parties accepting responsibility on both sides. This can be a really difficult thing to
do. Emotions may be charged and some things can be very difficult or painful to
consider and indeed talk about. It is very much achievable to talk through these
issues as a couple, but you may find that you need some professional help in coming
to terms with these issues and need additional support with moving things forward.
Sometimes talking to someone impartial whom neither of you know can really help
get some clarity in your relationship. Details of further help and support available are
detailed at the end of this booklet.
Unrealistic expectations of your relationship?
So you’ve been together for quite some time. When you first got together, things
were so exciting and your partner paid you lots of attention and showered you with
gifts and love and affection. Things are not the same anymore. In fact, you can’t help
but look around at others…couples walking down the street hand in hand, friends you
know gushing about their other half, and telling you what a great relationship they
have and have sex 3 times daily, happily ever after stories on film and tv….
Stop!!
Everyone feels like this from time to time in a relationship. It really is quite normal.
Things are not going to be the same as when you first got together. In fact, things
could be much better. That first flutter of giddy love and excitement does not and
cannot last. What you have could be so much more than that. Excitement does not
have to go out of the window, but your relationship grows into something else.
Something more. A deeper and greater understanding, respect and love for one
another.
Everyone’s relationships are completely different. It is after all two different people
with two different personalities. We all compliment each other in different ways and
what works for one relationship may not work for another. Because we are all
different. Take with a pinch of salt what others around you appear to be doing in
their relationship. Noone really ever knows what goes on inside someone elses
relationship behind closed doors. Therefore it would be ridiculous to think that
someone elses relationship is without problems and issues themselves and are better
than your own.
If you hear from a friend that they are having intercourse with their partner 3 times a
week and you are having sexual intercourse once every month, or every few months,
or even once a year, this does not matter. There is no ‘normal’ frequency for how
often couples have sex...