Diary of a Dragon

You hold in your hand a sacred trust—a dragon's diary.  My diary.  And that trust has been horribly violated by that dreadful Princess Lillian, or you wouldn't be holding it.  My own personal diary, published for all to see!  That human female has no shame.

I do, however.  I do not wish my secrets spread about.  Please, I beg you, put this book down now and walk away, kind browser.  Respect an old dragon's privacy.  No matter what the princess thinks, these matters of violence, blackmail, and unnecessary romance are not for the eyes of others! 

No, no, don't even open it!  Ignore the attractive illustrations and the shocking true secrets of dragon life!  You'll be sorry!

All right, you won't.  But I will.

I hate princesses.