Building a Marriage to Enjoy for a Lifetime

Almost 50 years ago, I began making notes about what I was learning from the successes and failures of the couples with whom I worked as a Marriage and Family Therapist. I called those notes my “gleanings.” Now, I pass on to you that which I have harvested during 47 years of counseling couples whose marriages were in trouble.
I believe that those who hold a solution to a problem live under a moral obligation to contribute their solution to solving the problem. My experience has unearthed some solutions. I have gleaned them while listening for more than 20,000 hours behind the closed doors of my office – gleaned from the failures and successes of those who have shared their lives with me. This is not a book of theory. You will read hundreds of concrete “dos and do nots” for building and maintaining and enjoyable, lasting relationship.
You may have been married for many years, or perhaps only a short time. Or, you may be thinking about getting a divorce, or you may be trying to prepare yourself for an upcoming wedding. You want to build an marriage relationship that you can enjoy until death shall part the two of you. I have never encouraged a couple to stay together just for the sake of staying together. I have always worked to coach a couple how to build and maintain an ongoing, enjoyable relationship. Staying together in misery just for the sake of the children, of friends, of acquaintances, or just for the sake of staying together seems to be a consignment to something just short of hell on earth.