Committing to Lonely

When I married him, I was committing myself to one man for 'as long as we both shall live'. I was committing myself to a life of 'happily-ever-after'; to a life of 'for better or worst' and 'in sickness and health'.

Our wedding was a romantic, true love story. That was what many co-workers and acquaintances believed. I thought so too. A 'true love' that started 18 years ago and had shortly ended when I realized that the only one 'in love' was me.

When forgiveness is given and anger is erased, then a door to 'living' a "what if I had/we had" scenario began.

After several years of being married and looking back to before the wedding; I had seen what my closest friends were trying to tell me. Looking back; I had glimpses of who he really was. I had seen how I made excuses and willingly put blinders on my eyes.....just because I wanted to believe in a true first love.

I was committed to lonely. While sitting next to 'the man of my dreams,' I was isolated from love."

Some times "what ifs" are better left alone.