The Indian Girl's Definitive Guide to Staying Single

"IT professional seeks Hindi-speaking homely girl with US citizenship who can cook and make chai. Career girls acceptable. Please send biodata and photo."

This indispensable guide may offer answers to some of those questions plaguing single Indian women everywhere:
- Does this sari make my marriage photo look fat?
- If I drink a cup of chai, but no Indian sees me, did I still become more marriageable?
- What's the difference between dhania, coriander, and cilantro?
- How can I prevent the writer of the above matrimonial from showing up on my mandap?