Heaven Is Not Like Carnoustie

Colin Kelly, stationery salesman and self-appointed Arbroath Smokie expert receives a visitation from the Archangel Gabriel; or, as he is now known due to recent modernisation, the Archagent Gabriel. He is to be the prophet for the third millennium, the Vice President of Corporeal Communications.

God - now The Certain Eternal One (CEO) – hopes that mankind will heed his final warning and listen to the Word of Colin before it’s too late.

Colin’s wife, Sheila, convinces him to seek professional help when he reveals his new mission to her. She is less than enamoured by his new found notoriety, even if the sex is great.

The Devil stalks the earth, assured of victory now that all of mankind knows the mobile telephone number of the beast.

Colin’s Guardian Angel, Clarence, is left with the job of guiding him and helping him in the final battle for his sanity and mankind which takes place just outside Stowmarket, off the B1115.

The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are approaching and they are quite damp, noticeably peckish, a little bit late and extremely pissed off.

Colin Kelly is our only hope. Can he save the planet? Are estate agents evil incarnate? Does the duck-billed platypus have a sense of humour?

And do we have enough Hob-Nobs?

There really is only one place to find out.