The Lamb of God and Satan's Hairy Scrotum

You’ve heard the saying ‘Jesus is coming and, boy, is he pissed’. Well, you don’t know the half of it.
He’ll start Armageddon in the tiny town of Garrett’s Gap, North Carolina then take it into the world unless Sheriff’s Deputy Chuck Halsey and the stranger who came to help can stop him.
Jesus isn’t easily dealt with, though, and he’s got something going for him that Chuck and his compatriot never saw coming, something best described with four words: spinning Ginsu dick sword.