Creation: Myth, Metaphor & Layers of Historical Allegory

REVELATION 2 takes Satan, Hitch and Snikwad back to way before the Beginning and into the religious evolution of the dark, water-filled, pre-Creation biblical universe, and the mysteries of the two highly contradictory versions of intelligently designed biblical creation science mythology.

Did the ancient Elohim deities create everything in six days? Did the misogynous new Yahweh deity re-create everything in a single day? Did Christ – or even the Holy Ghost – play any part at all? Were multiple humans who looked like Jesus the very last living things created? Was a lone male mud-man (who maybe didn’t look like Jesus) the very first living thing created? Was the planet’s first Homo sapiens female created from one of the mud-man’s ribs in an act of divine surgery about 6,000 years ago? Was the mythological Garden of Eden actually in Jackson County, Missouri? So many questions …!

Our adventurous boys from the Sacred Grotto answer with the proposition that fantastical tales like Light of the Elohim; Yahweh’s Re-Creation Day; Two Magic Fruit Trees; Adam’s Good-Servant-Rib-Wife, and Eve and the Talking Serpent were literally true only for the quaint folk. The Jewish and pre-Jewish priests who actually wrote and re-wrote them didn’t take them literally. They look to be ingenious historical allegories that are cover stories for some very real human politics and history and downright personal slander that has nothing whatsoever to do with anyone’s version of “God”.

The Diabolical Trio also find that to decode the enigma of why the trees were created before the sun, it is necessary to first recognise why Tyrannosaurus rex were vegetarian; fish didn’t eat porridge until they evolved into sheep, and the Adam Family looked like Jesus … but fire-breathing biblical leviathans didn’t.

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