Christmas Stocks

Ruthless venture capitalists conspire to eliminate Santa Claus—
and will go to any length to achieve their objectives, even if it means assassinate
Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer.

But they face a dilemma: how do you take out an iconic figure like Santa?

Do you buy him out? If so, how do you determine a price for assets that
include reindeer and sleighs that fly, and elves that live for generations and
work for free (or do they)?

Can Santa be wiped out through cutthroat competition? How do you
compete with someone who can deliver the goods throughout the world in
a single night?

What about rubbing out Santa? Would such a strategy lay the grounds for
a religious war? Or, would the public even care? One less mouth to feed on
Christmas Eve.

Whatever the strategy, what are the implications of the holiday season
without Santa Claus? With at least 160 countries celebrating Christmas,
what are the economic and cultural implications? And what are the social,
religious, and political consequences?

These are mere incidentals to ruthless investors when billions of dollars
in annual holiday sales are at stake.

Can a jolly, kind-hearted and innocent old man even hope to survive
against these ruthless wizards of corporate takeover? Can Christmas itself
survive if North Pole Enterprises—owned and controlled by Santa and Mrs.
Claus—is bought out?

The investors’ dastardly scheming leads to a chess game of wits and
business maneuvering until—or, unless, Santa is willing to sellout . . . .

Meanwhile, for you Christmas shoppers, get a sneak preview of the newest
and most innovative adult toys that will be coming out on the market
next Christmas. Plan your shopping strategy now, and get ready to exploit
your inside position in your favorite shopping line.