Stop Self Defeating Behaviors In 5 Steps

People say that you have what it takes, that you got the brains, the looks,
the skill and all the ingredients you need to be successful at what you do.
We are, in the end a sum of all our experiences and when we grow, certain
behaviors develop. We react to each situation in a unique way because we
are unique individuals, so when we often feel that we have free will, the
truth is that, we sometimes get trapped by the way we react to certain
situations, we are trapped by are automatic reaction to certain stimuli.
When these reactions are overwhelmingly negative, we call them selfdefeating
behaviors or SDB.
SDB is defined as “Those that engage in a cycle of failures in attempts to
fulfill something they want. It can be a need for intimacy, affiliation, control,
or acceptance which results in mental health difficulties which can include
depression, social isolation, and anxiety.”1 Without trying to sound too
academic SDB is about setting yourself up for failure with or without your
own knowledge. You might ask yourself “Why do I do this? Is there
something wrong with me?” Well to keep things short and sweet, you were
wired that way; something in your past has caused you to react to certain
situations the way you do. You need to rewire yourself to get rid of all this
negative behavior.
1 Understanding and Overcoming Harmful Patterns
(TI 082)
By Chris Brownson & Bryan Hartzler
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Here are 5 steps which can help you rid yourself of these unfavorable
characteristics. Stop asking yourself “Why am I like this?” Instead, ask
yourself “How can I change? What can I do to move forward and create a
new and positive aura and vibe? What is it about me that am causing this?
Is there something wrong with me?”
The funny thing is you might not even realize that you have this type of
personal trait. That’s why it is important to follow the steps even if you feel
that you don’t this unfavorable characteristic, because you just might and it
could be holding you back in your career, your family life, your love life, and
in many of your interpersonal relationships. The thing about self-defeating
behaviors is that at the start they might not be a huge problem, but tend to
take on a life of their own and cause unpleasant damages to yourself and
to your relationships with other because this trait feeds on itself to create a
vicious cycle.
So take a look at this article as a guide to discovering more about SDB and
in ways of identifying if you have it. Then take a look at a five step process
in which you can address the problem and finally get rid of it. But remember
this, it is a process and what took years to make and manifest will not
disappear overnight.
But before we delve into that we need to take a look at the background of
SDB and where they originate from.
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More about Self-Defeating Behaviors:
On a broad level, self-defeating behaviors exist at some level in everyone
and at some point in time impact us. The first concept we need to
understand is that of a core need. A core need is something so
fundamental that being denied with it can cause psychological harm and
emotional distress. Things as basic as intimacy, affiliation, control, and love
are core needs and on some level we all need some of this.
The problem starts when a person thinks that he is being denied with all
these or if a person has already been denied with it. This creates a certain
frustration which manifests itself as self-defeating behaviors, these patterns
in a downward spiral which results in a greater sense of frustration. These
core needs might not be the same across all people but they do have one
thing in common, it is an unfulfilled need that can be one contributing factor
which is fueling the self-defeating behavior that is being exhibited by you or
any other individual.
Examples of self-defeating behaviors include the toxic self; a belief that
said person is toxic and inherently unworthy to have friends. A toxic self will
poison any relationship that person has with other people, which means
that this person cannot have a stable and healthy relationship. This can
cause the person to withdraw from various social circles and also has
problems with intimate relationships. Such behavior will only reinforce the
perception that they are toxic as people shy away from them. This is one of
the main characteristics of self-defeating behavior, the ability of the
behavior to feed on itself and become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
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Origins of Self-Defeating Behaviors
People with self-defeating Behaviors often have a feeling of loss of control.
This loss of control is something that we need to stop. Some of the origins
as ...