The Tramadol Pollywog

Any troubles in your life concerning your body, go see your doctor. I was knackered because I couldn’t sleep. So I went to the docs to get some sleeping pills. He seemed hesitant to give me them ... mind you, he didn’t mind giving me other pills that gave me rashes and made my eyes bleed. I managed to coax five out of him. Trouble was, I then had to break the pills up to make them last six months; result, no effect.
A friend of mine has a back problem and is on Tramadol. “I take one before bed and it zonks me out,” says he. Mind you, I know someone who takes four lots of two a day and she has very realistic dreams of murdering her boss. Never mind, he gives me one to try; Gawd blessim ...

Interestingly, last time I was in hospital ‘high pulse and irregular heartbeat’, I couldn’t sleep, mainly because of all the bloody noise. I asked the nurse for a sleeping pill. She refused. “Why not?” I asked. “Because you aren’t animals.”
I nearly asked her ‘why do you use us as lab rats then?’ Great places hospitals, they scare you half to death about what they’re going to do to you with their knives, saws and drugs and the terrible risks that only happen to one in ten people; and then they ask you to sign a consent form. Don’t set me off.