Abandoned in a Hammock

Creamy white bows trimmed my first dress. I was a five-year-old boy, but my crazy cousin Julia wanted a girl. She slipped a burgundy velvet dress over my head -- the first of many dresses she had bought for me. White ruffled socks and little matching shoes adorned my feet. Julia added burgundy bows to my reddish auburn hair.

People who know me personally have told me how amazed they are that I am so cheerful and optimistic - especially after they hear what my early life was like -- and that it can be described as "hellish." They say that having a personality such as mine, after such experiences, can be an inspiration, a victory of the human spirit. Well, I know I am not a hero. But this book is not meant only to tell my life story, but to explain when and where I reached decision points in my life, as to whether I'd become bitter and wicked - like many of the people around me growing up - or take a different course. I was only thinking about surviving at the time, of course, not about my actions' and choices' long-range implications, which may be instructive - even "inspirational" - to some other people. So here, with hopes that my perspective will benefit some readers in the midst of troubles like mine, or others who have faced similar problems but cannot see how to move beyond the pain, is my story. Writing it has released a great deal of suppressed pain for me, like black smoke confined in a burning house with close windows. May it rise to the heavens and turn into a rainbow.