Heartbreak, Mourning, Loss. Volume 2: The Brain in Love

At first, the physical absence of the partner seems like the only cause of our suffering and one is under the illusion that if he or she would only come back, all would be fine again. It is truly an illusion because there are three absentees in the drama of heartbreak.

The first is the beloved, and even if that person were to come back, the second, the person you were with the beloved, and the third, the person you were for the beloved, are never coming back. This triple loss explains the loss of a sense of identity.
Individuals suffering heartbreak have nightmares of losing their nametag, passport, car keys, of being lost in a strange city, of walking in a cemetery and reading their name on a funeral monument, of having no voice, no head, no body, of coming to work and somebody else's name is on the door of their office, or coming home and their mother asks them to introduce themselves... all are metaphors of an estrangement from the self.
The only solution is to become somebody else.
Philosophers have argued that our identity is a psychosocial construct, a compromise between what our parents want, what society wants, and what we think we want. Since identity is a construct, it follows that is can be deconstructed. The myth of the divine rights of kings is a perfect example of a deconstructionist attack on a value that was no longer sustainable.
Heartbreak is a similar demolition derby of an obsolete identity. The lover, a mirror who used to reflect a positive image of yourself, now reflects nothing, or if it does, it is a tarnished, ugly picture that communicates, "sorry, but you are no longer adequate." The identity built to attract and relate to the partner is a dead cable connector. Heartbreak is such a rough deconstruction that it is felt at first like a death of the self. There is a word for that feeling: alienation, which means a separation from oneself.
This book helps you answer the following question: "if I cannot be who I was, who can I become?" Invent, discover, imagine, try, and become that new person.

Table of Content
CHAPTER 1

BYPASS YOUR SYNAPTIC BUNDLE OF FEAR
The three actors in your drama
Your crocodile psychology: grab, grip, hit
There you are my crocodile!
Your puppy psychology: beg, whine, wait.
Your regression to a preverbal vulnerability
Attachment theories
There you are my puppy!
The wolf separated from the pack the broken heart syndrome
The art of consoling
Neuromania and Darwinitis
Is it in my genes, my brain or my soul?
Becoming a wise human
The inner and the outer

CHAPTER 2
NEUROSCIENCE AND THE UNCONSCIOUS
My life in a copter
The end of the behaviorist dominance
You can't repair the past
The slave complex
No ego, no Self, no identity.

CHAPTER 3
WHAT YOU MOTHER NEVER TOLD YOU
I am a champion procrastinator
I am dependent but won't admit it
I feel inadequate but cover it with uppityness
Unload some projections

CHAPTER 4
AH! JEALOUSY
Rivalry can be a factor of evolution
You don't own the partner
Beware of psychic inflation
There is a way around jealousy
Is it envy or jealousy?

CHAPTER 5
RELATIONSHIP ADDICTION
The realm of the invisible
Heartbreak is a triple loss

CHAPTER 6
NARCISSISM: A TREND AND A CURSE
The rage of a baby
Learn to smell a narcissist
The narcissist as a self-loathing individual
The narcissist as a self-adoring individual
The trophy partner: narcissism by another name
Monica, the figid beauty queen
The cashmere label