Ravenword And The House Of The Red Death

Overview
As a fan of Edgar Allan Poe, I was excited when I learned I would be editing this homage to Poe and his masterful short story, "The Masque of the Red Death." You definitely have all the imagery down pat! From the ravens, to the ruined castle, to the utterly macabre animated corpses, to the addled Professor Fichtenburg, your visuals are strong and eminently suited to the genre. I found it very easy to imagine these gothic and often grotesque scenes. Likewise, your action scenes were fast-paced, clear, and full of lively energy. Well done!

The conflicts you have set up in the story make for a solid story framework. The plot progresses quite smoothly with each of these conflicts and builds as readers try to discern what is real from what is imagined. The plot, tone, and characterization are clear-and your dialogue is terrific.

Structure/Plot Flow
The overall pacing of the plot is consistent, smooth, and nicely developed. Your structure is typical for the gothic horror genre. The plot progression is linear, and the chapters move forward in a logical way. The opening is engaging and introduces us to Ravenword in an appealing way. I particularly like the juxtaposition of the modern dialogue and characters with the old-fashioned gothic castle setting. The first few chapters provide readers with all the need-to-know information about the characters, conflict, and premise. The ending offers effective closure and resolution.

Point of View (POV)
Your story was written in third-person omniscient POV. We learn, view, hear, and understand everything as the Ravenword characters do. This sets up the feeling of suspense very well, as we readers are just as baffled as Ravenword by the strange goings-on and, like them, want to uncover the mystery.

Characterization
Your characters are described and developed consistently, and each character has a purpose in the plot. Characters are consistent, well-developed, and effective throughout. I feel Parson has the strongest, most three-dimensional characterization of any of the Ravenword group. He is funny, strong-willed, and emotional. He delivers the most biting (and humorous) insults, but he retains a high likability factor. Agnot, too, is a well-drawn, strong character, one who is easily visualized right from the beginning. Both Billy and Grayson are mysteriously presented (pleasingly so).

Dialogue
The dialogue itself is great. It offers a nice distinction, in its slang and modernity, from the prose of the narrative. As I mentioned before, I really enjoyed the juxtaposition of this modern-sounding dialogue and characters with the gothic setting, and I think readers will, too.

I hope these comments are valuable. Good luck, and I wish you all the best for this manuscript and future books.

-Leslie