Hatch and Dispatch: Tales and Advice From a Midwife

From the author:

“Expecting a baby?

“I didn’t plan on spending my career looking between ladies’ legs. But for the last 35 years I’ve hatched over 3,000 babies – mostly in the hospitals, but some on the side of the road and in carparks.

“Hatch and Dispatch is a compilation of the advice I give to expecting mums almost every day, whether it be their first of fifth babies. I use the stories from my career to show you that every woman has the same concerns, the same questions, and makes essentially the same noise when pushing a baby out.

“Read about the hallucinations some women experience when using nitrous, what happens to tattoos and piercings during pregnancy (clue: dolphins become whales, Bambi becomes a moose), and about the partner who wanted to attend ante-natal classes even though his baby was already born. Bless his cotton socks - he wanted to leave his wife and baby at home and come to class to learn about nappy changing and settling (on the job training was not for him).

“I am a pragmatic woman - the advice in this book is sensible. It is honest. My job is interesting and fun so there are some great stories for you to read. I don’t try to scare or sway you, just show you that pregnancy is a part of many womens' lives and need not be the guilt-ridden ride it has become.

You will read about:

• Common pregnancy complaints
• The inevitable guilt - thanks to the internet, pregnancy now comes with 20% extra free guilt!
• Be prepared – your ante natal card, injections, allergies, knowing your and your partner’s limitations
• Classes and birth plans
• Labour and pain relief
• Support people
• Dos and don’ts for partners
• What the midwives will teach you once baby is born
• A preview of history’s worst pregnancy and parenting advice

"I hope you enjoy the book, have a laugh, learn something, and relax about what lies ahead - even if only a little. You were designed to bake this baby.

Enjoy

Vicki