You Know You're a Writer When

You know you're a writer when
. . . You'll never forgive your parents for your happy childhood.
. . . The doctor tells you that you have terminal cancer and you think, "I can use this."
. . . You accidentally sign a check with your pen name.
. . . You know more than ten synonyms for "blue."
. . . You write your Christmas letter as if it were War and Peace.

Many readers will recognize themselves in this collection of observations about the eccentric, quirky, word-obsessed condition that is being a writer.