Yes, Men Do Cry: A JOURNAL

One man’s personal journey of grieving the loss of his wife written over a period of 3 years

January 11 2002

Oh Booby, Booby, Booby.  This explains it all.  I want you back so much, yet fully understand this is a fantasy.  It must be my way of handling (or trying to) my pain, thinking of the good times, wanting the good times, knowing that now they have to come from what I make.  Round and round we go, it´s an intriguing web we weave ourselves.  The web breaks, so we have to spin a new one.  This I will continue to do until I make a web so strong that I will feel safe, feel confident with myself. 

March 2 2002

Still feeling as though I´m just floating like a feather in the wind.  Like the feather I don’t know where I will land.  It’s as though I have no control but I know for sure that this is not so.  I´m in complete control; it is me allowing myself to be in this state.  I want ‘companionship’ so much, but I´m scared, I want to touch, explore, and feel someone.  Selfishly for my own needs but it’s something I need to happen because I have to justify to myself that I can love again.