"It's All B.S.Kid. Don't Worry About It"

It wasn’t easy having to say good-bye to my wife and daughters at the airport. If I may paraphrase a master Spanish poet, “Toda la vida es sueno, y los suenos, suenos son.” “All life is a dream and a dream is only a dream.” I was beginning a journey that would take me to three continents, not knowing that this journey would cost me my soul and everything I held dear. I put my job ahead of everything in my life and in doing so lost myself in the all-consuming job of drug enforcement. As a reward for relatively low pay and long hours, I lost my true identity and got lost in my work. I no longer was little Johnny from San Antonio or Special Agent Faz, but aka Johnny Rosa, aka Ben Cruz, aka Jesse Garcia and many other assumed identities whose life I led. I was no longer in charge of my life. The undercover situation, the many drug kingpins, the lifestyle of a narcotics gangster dictated who I was or what I did. I literally became “one of them.”