Dutch Diehard #1: Murder is a Strange Bedfellow

Voluptuous Constance Ganymede saunters into the office of Dutch Diehard, private detective, one sultry July day and asks him to locate her husband, Franz, an adventurer and playboy who's gone missing. Dutch falls instantly in love (or at least lust) with Constance, eliciting jealousy in his favorite libation, Sputum-neck, that continually calls out to him like some satyr-seducing siren. Constance isn't the only one looking for Franz. Fritz Ganymede, twin brother of the missing Franz, also hires Dutch to find Franz, doubling Dutch's income to two halves of nothing. In spite of mangling facts to fit his hypotheses, Dutch is left with more questions than answers. Who paid Dutch a thousand in cash to play dumb? Which Ganymede did Dutch find taking a final beauty nap? Why is the military involved? Who keeps putting gum on the bottom of restaurant tables? Wait … we don't actually deal with that last one in this book. Dutch Diehard is forced to wade through his many, MANY vices (and voices) to stay alive, get the girl, and solve the case. Achieving all of that might be aiming a little high, but high is where Dutch Diehard lives. Does that even make sense? It will, but God's teeth it gets convoluted.