Black Lies

Brant: Became a tech billionaire by his twentieth birthday. Has been in a relationship with me for three years. Has proposed four times. Been rejected four times.

Lee: Cuts grass when he's not banging housewives. Good with his hands, his mouth, and his body. Has been pursued relentlessly by me for almost two years, whether he knows it or not. Go ahead. Judge me. You have no idea what my love entails.

If you think you've heard this story before, trust me—you haven't.