Heaven Is a Matter of Perception: Love and Insanity

My story is a testament to my personal struggle with mental illness, but more a portrait of life on the edge struggling for something greater than oneself. I believed that to be well as a person we must be well together. The world is small and we are all sensitive to others. We must go deeper. I looked back and marveled at the workings of the universe, the beauty of nature, and the potential of society. I explored the upper and lower ends of the human imagination envisionioning the Hell lived by so many and the Heaven that could be. I felt compelled to do something significant to awaken people to the ocean of suffering and stand as one as we strive to overcome it. I delved deep into the intricacy of my electric dream and I pulsed with energy. My actions were wild, insane, touching, dangerous, compassionate, near- inhuman, debasing, celestial, horrific, inspiring. I drew on powerful sources of energy to make my dream a reality. But again and again I was forced to confront the scope of the world that was always greater than myself. The story of love and insanity explores the heart of my journey that spanned a courtship, a marriage, and two manic episodes ten years apart. The story captures my hot subjective reality of delusion, mania, and psychosis. Forgetting illness, the struggle for love, beauty, peace, and meaning are universal and I took them on with exquisite sensitivity. It all started when I was simply in love with life. I was in love with my wife and the world I made with her. Over time I became madly in love with her then madly in love with the world. I chose to dream and I would go as far as I could go before hitting rock bottom and climbing back up to find the meaning in the pain.