Memoirs of a Texan: War

Reading about a battle and being in one are two different things. I was disappointed to learn that I was terrified. I wanted to be anywhere other than where I was. My mouth dried and I felt my stomach turn and my knees shake as the long line of Union soldiers came into view. I saw myself being killed when the firing started. When the battle began, General Pender gave me an order to take to one of the regiments. I became confused and wandered not knowing where or wanting to deliver the order. Pender, who stayed close to the front lines, rode up and angrily pointed to where the regiment deployed … I moved quickly to deliver the order and somehow held on the remainder of the day. After nearly panicking … I learned something else about myself. I can control my fear by just doing what Mother taught me. If I focus totally on the task at hand, I can block out the worry and panic by concentrating on what I must do next. I never lost my apprehension and fear, but worked through it and did my duty.