How to Win X Factor

TV writer Keeley Bolger, who's written about X Factor in The Sun, takes a light-hearted look at the show and offers would-be winners some no-nonsense tips such as:

Practise Crying so as to Appear Genuine . . .

Praise the Other Contestants . . .

USE a Children's Choir if Possible . . .

Imply you are having a Relationship with another Contestant (but no Torrid Sex) . . .

And, of Course, be kind to Animals-even Simon Cowell!