The Great Purple Hoo-Ha

Joe climbed out of the hole into the gray light of a stormy afternoon. Nothing was going as planned. He still hadn't gotten his girlfriend, the goddess, into bed. The aliens never arrived and Elvis hadn't returned. Up on the stage, robed magicians toting automatic weapons called down unspeakable things from the sky. A crowd of a million people was beginning to riot. And Joe knew that it was up to him, the most famous man in the world, to save the day and bring forth the Great Purple Hoo-Ha - if he could only figure out what the heck it was.